Fragile Heart
I arrived late to church as usual. Between Monica and Terrell I don’t know who’s slower; I just know that we were late. Naomi was already there positioned in the front pew, listening attentively to Pastor Thomas as always. Pastor Thomas was the new pastor of First Church Of God. He was young, good looking, charismatic and very showy. He didn’t like anyone stealing his thunder, so when I walked in late, he shot me a look of disdain. I slid in next to Naomi, and pulled my bible out of my bag. Monica and Terrell sat in the back, where I should have stayed.
“We’re in 2 Corinthians chapter six,” Naomi said, as I straighten my skirt, and unintentionally rolled my eyes at Pastor Thomas. After all the effort I made to get here, he should be happy to see me, instead of making me feel like I just committed a carnal sin. I quickly found 2 Corinthians chapter six and settled into the sermon.
“Working together, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says: In an acceptable time I heard you, and on the day of salvation I helped you. Behold now is a very acceptable time; behold now is the day of salvation. Church can I get an amen?”
The whole congregation said amen in unison. Pastor Thomas wiped the sweat from his forehead as he paced back and forth slowly as if waiting for something spectacular to happen.
“You know church; the word says that now is a very acceptable time; now is the day of salvation!”
“He raised his voice loud with authority as he stomped his foot to each word. The congregation shouted amen and a few women jumped to their feet.
“Preach on preacher!”
‘Hallelujah”
“Praise Jesus!”
Pastor Thomas continued pacing back and forth, wiping the sweat from his brow, strutting like a peacock.
“Follow me now to chapter 14. Chapter 14 says; “Do not be yoked with those who are different or in other words, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness. What accord has Christ with Beliar? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God” as God said; “I will live with them and move among them. And I will be their God and they shall be my people. Therefore, come forth from them and be separate,” says the Lord, “and touch nothing unclean; then I will receive you and I will be a Father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
“Can I get a witness? Praise Him church, praise Him.”
The organist began playing and the whole church stood and began shouting, ‘Thank you Jesus’, and “Praise the Lord.” Pastor Thomas started to dance and shout, encouraging the whole congregation to give praises to the Lord. Naomi jumped from her seat and started jumping up and down, and crying loudly. Two ushers came over and held her arms to keep her from falling. A few nurses were already catering to many of the women who were not so lucky, and had already fallen to the ground, high on the spirit.
Pastor Thomas was still doing his dance as the organist accompanied by the bass; guitar and drums filled the church with foot stomping music. The whole congregation was on fire. Pastor Thomas had done it again. He had managed to turn First Church of God, into a praise dance hall. As the shouting began to die down, Pastor Thomas took to the microphone again.
“Come on church, we’ve been called to Holiness. Take a look at your life to see if you are living holy. Come out from among them, and be separate. Church I say this to you today that you better get right with the Lord. If you don’t yet know him, I invite you to get to know him now. The doors of the church are open. Come out from among them and be separate. Come and give your life to the Lord. Come on! The doors of the church are open. Since we have these promises beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of flesh and spirit, making holiness perfect in the fear of God.”
Several people walked to the front of the church. Pastor Thomas came down from the pulpit and stood in front of the new recruits.
“Do you want to be free?”
The new recruits shouted yes.
“Praise God, I said praise God!”
The congregation began to shout the praises of the Lord. The organist began to play again, and the people began to shout.
“You know the bible says the angels rejoice when a brother or sister has been saved. Come on church let’s rejoice!”
“Hallelujah!”
“Praise God!”
“Glory! The church all shouted
“Amen, amen. Brothers and sisters do you believe that Jesus died for you?” Pastor Thomas asked.
Each new recruit shouted yes.
“Do you accept him as your Lord and Savior?”
“Yes!”
“Confess your sins to Him right now. Father God, as these new souls stand before you confessing their sins to you, I pray that you will receive them in the name of Jesus. By faith they receive the Lord Jesus Christ into their hearts as their Lord and Savior, trusting Him for the salvation of their soul. Help them Lord to do Your will each day, in Jesus name I pray, amen.”
The congregation began to shout, the musicians began to play, Naomi began to dance, and I sat observing it all. It wasn’t because I was unmoved by the events that were happening around me, it was just that I was still dealing with my own demons. I was still trying to discover myself, and my relationship with the Lord. How could I be shouting glory knowing what I had done? How could God ever forgive me for committing adultery with Justin, separating from Terry and having relations with Markus? No this was much too easy, it couldn’t happen this way.
I sat there with tears in my eyes, trying not to break down, trying to stay calm when everything in me was about to explode, trying to cover my guilt and shame, trying to hide my face from the only One who could truly set me free, when finally it was too much to keep inside, and I jumped from my seat and shouted “Thank you Jesus!” before I knew what was happening I was the one dancing and shouting, and the next thing I knew there were two nurses standing over me on the floor, fanning me, and whispering, “Glory to God.”
It had happened. The thing that I had feared the most had happened. I had crossed over from sinner to saint, and it happened regardless of my protests, regardless of my restraint. I had finally let go of my guilt, I was free. Suddenly everything seemed different. Suddenly nothing mattered yet everything mattered. I lay there on the floor with the two nurses standing over me, fanning me, crying for me, and I knew for the first time in my life that I would make it.